It’s Okay to Enjoy Life! Finding the Light After Darkness
- Healthy Illness Podcast
- Sep 30
- 3 min read
Have you ever opened your eyes after a night you weren’t sure you’d wake up from—and felt more anger than relief?
If you’ve lived through suicidal thoughts or even survived an attempt, you know that waking up can be its own heartbreak. You’re here, but you’re not sure why. You’re breathing, but you don’t yet want to live.
If that sounds like you, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
As September—Suicide Prevention Awareness Month—comes to a close, the Healthy Illness Podcast host Kelly Marie is sharing her raw and powerful story of survival, healing, and finding meaning.
Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depression, and generalized anxiety, Kelly lives a full, thriving life today. But this time of year, she feels the weight of where she’s been and the ongoing work it takes to face the anniversary of her darkest day.
On September 3, 2013, Kelly attempted suicide. On September 4, she woke up in a hospital furious that she was still alive. She spent two weeks in inpatient care, wrestling not only with survival but with the question of why she was still here.
“I was very angry and very hurt that I was still breathing,” she admits on the podcast. “I had no desire to live. But I knew I was supposed to.”
It was during those two weeks that Kelly encountered a verse she’d heard before but had never really embraced:
Matthew 5:16 — “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
The words became her anchor. Out of a coloring book and into her heart, they formed the foundation of her life’s mission: “Be the Light.”
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5 Practices to Prepare for Attempt Anniversaries
Now, more than a decade later, Kelly uses these simple but powerful practices to approach her September anniversary with compassion, instead of fear:
1. Set Gentle Reminders — Not to dread the date, but to gently check in with yourself—making sure healthy habits are in place before the anniversary arrives.
2. Practice Extra Kindness Toward Yourself — This season calls for more self-compassion. Kelly emphasizes giving yourself permission to slow down, rest, and offer yourself the grace you would extend to a friend.
3. Layer Your Self-Care — Beyond the daily routines, anniversaries may require intentional self-care. Kelly describes “layering” her practices—filling her cup fully so she can face the hard days with resilience.
4. Release Guilt with Mindfulness — Some years, the date slips by without notice. Instead of shame, Kelly reframes it as a sign of growth. Healing is not about perfect remembrance—it’s about presence, acceptance, and forward movement.
5. Reevaluate and Reflect — After the anniversary, Kelly encourages survivors to ask: Did my strategies work? What might I need next year? This gentle reassessment allows for adjustments without judgment.
Message for Survivors
“It’s okay to enjoy life,” Kelly reminds herself. “It’s okay to enjoy life.”
These words, carry weight for anyone who has survived a suicide attempt and struggles to embrace joy.
If you’re here and you’re hurting, please know:
You are not alone.
Your healing journey doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
Life can hold meaning and even joy again.
Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts:
Call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Visit 988lifeline.org for free and confidential resources.
Kelly Marie’s transparency is radical, but it’s also hopeful. By sharing her survival story on the Healthy Illness Podcast, she is “being the light” for others until they can find their own.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: “Be the Light, Even in the Dark"
Available wherever you stream podcasts on Apple Podcasts Spotify or Pandora
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